Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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