Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
