Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
