You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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