If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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