whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
