physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
