I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
