Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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