I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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