I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
