Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
