That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
