I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
