I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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