Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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