I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
