I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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