we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
