For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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