Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
