I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
