Too much gin, very little bucket
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize