she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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