Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
