you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
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Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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