I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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