well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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