I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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