I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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