am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I can't put those talents on a resume
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
