I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Pants are for mortals
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
