Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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