When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
