highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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