so explain again why im purple
no
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
