I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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