and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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