im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
