what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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