this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
