What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
