ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
