Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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