what day is it and did you see me today?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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