I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
