I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
