Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
