i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If its not for food we ain't going out.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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