Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
