My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
