her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
