for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
