I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
