we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
