thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
