Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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