Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
