Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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