i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
