Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
