Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
