help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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