4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
