I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
