I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
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