omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
