Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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